


Kirok

by TBe76



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:47:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21624796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TBe76/pseuds/TBe76
Summary: Long before Hollywood started slashing couples names, Star Trek already did it. In “The Paradise Syndrome” episode Kirk misremembered his name as an odd mix of Kirk and Spock—Kirok (or Kirock). Always sounded slashy to me. The boys find out they’re thy’la.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 7
Kudos: 104





	Kirok

**Author's Note:**

> As a medical professional I always found it odd that even with apparent total amnesia in the episode Kirk really remembered two things—his name mixed with Spock’s and how to do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. I imagined that something had to sear that into his brain.

McCoy ordered Kirk to sickbay for a thorough examination and said he would have to clear him before he could resume duty. He then ordered Spock to take the next 24 hours off and to report to Sickbay before he went on duty the next day to be cleared. Spock began to insist he was fine, and turned to Kirk expectantly. “Now see here, Captain,” McCoy began before Kirk could intervene. “What you don’t know is that your pointy-eared stubborn mule of a first officer hasn’t slept or really eaten anything since you’ve been gone. And as I haven’t cleared you for duty yet, you cannot override my orders.”  
Kirk pretended to be offended. “Why, Bones? I would never dream of such a thing!” He turned towards Spock and there was an unusual softness in his eyes. “Spock, take the day off. If you irritate the doctor, I’m sure my examination will be even more unpleasant than usual.”  
McCoy noted there was a definite weariness in Spock’s facial features. He wondered how Spock was doing emotionally. The Vulcan had spent weeks trying to rescue Kirk only to find him suffering from amnesia, married, and with a kid on the way. Not the most evident show of loyalty. And McCoy was worried about Kirk’s head injury. A blow hard enough to cause that level of amnesia was never good. The human brain was a tricky thing. Well, at least Kirk had gotten a few weeks of a sort of paradise.  
And now he was grieving the loss of his life there too. This was going to be a mess of a psych exam. Maybe he’d start it unofficial.

McCoy had Kirk sit down in his office. “Sabrina brandy? Or Altarian wine?”  
Kirk looked at him oddly. “Is this the new form of brain scanning?”  
McCoy should’ve known Kirk would see through his attempt. Still, he figured Kirk would like it better than being hooked up to a computer.  
“It’s this right now, or we can go hook up to the medbed. Your choice.”  
The captain looked very dejected. “Brandy.” McCoy poured him a shot and handed it to him. Kirk knocked it down and twirled the empty glass in his hand.  
“I guess you want me to say something.”  
McCoy stayed quiet. “I hit my head hard. I forgot everything.” Kirk paused. “Except I misremembered my name—some combination of me and Spock.” He laughed wryly. “I’ve even got his name mixed up in mine. And he goes practically to the limits of his physical being to save me.” Kirk set the glass down so hard it cracked. He didn’t take his hand of the cracked cup. “And you know the reward for his search? He gets to find me having appeared to completely forget him, the Enterprise, everything. Not only that I’ve gone and got married and have a—“ he trailed off and then corrected himself “—had a kid on the way.” McCoy watched as Kirk continued to hold the cracked glass. “I had dreams every night, but he wouldn’t know that.” Suddenly Kirk took his hand off the glass. He looked McCoy in the eye. “You know the only other thing I remembered?”  
McCoy waited for the answer. “I remembered how to save a drowning boy.” Kirk looked down. He appeared light years away. Years of training kept McCoy from speaking. Finally Kirk resumed his reminiscing.  
“Years ago, on Tarsus IV…” Kirk’s voice was a whisper, a hint of the teenage boy he’d been at the time.  
He turned to look back at McCoy. “I never really told you about the place, did I? My mother sent me there to spend the summer with my aunt.” He laughed strangely. “She never forgave herself for sending me there, but she couldn’t have known. “ Kirk paused and stared at a fixed point that McCoy knew was really somewhere else in space and time. “It had seemed like such a nice summer before. I was a lifeguard. Trained in CPR and all that. One of the last day things were normal, a boy I’d gotten to know fell on the edge of the pool. He was showing out. Diving all kinds of shapes and styles. I knew he was flirting with me and I let him.” Kirk was quiet for another minute. “ He went to take another dive, called to me, slipped and hit his head as he went in. I dove in, I got him out. I did mouth-to-mouth as blood ran down the side of his head. Someone called for help and they got him to the hospital. He was okay. Got out the next day. Came and thanked me. Teased me about how I’d saved his life with a kiss.” Kirk grew quiet again. McCoy bit the inside of his lip to keep from breaking the silence. Finally Kirk finished the story. “He was one of the first called for execution. I never—“ He grew silent again. “I saved a drowning boy just now and those people thought I was a god.”

Kirk’s facial expressions changed quickly. “Did she suffer much, you think?”  
McCoy realized Kirk was talking about the woman he’d obviously married. “No, Jim. I don’t think she did. She died with you by her side. She was comforted.”

Kirk laughed in such a peculiar way that McCoy knew whatever came next was going to be emotional. “Everyone I’ve ever loved dies.”

McCoy said the first response he could think of “Everyone dies, Jim.”

“They die a lot sooner if I like them. Really quickly if I love them.”

“Oh,” McCoy tried to bring a little reason to the comment. “You’re communicating directly with the Grim Reaper?”

“Damnit, Bones! Look at me. Look at everyone in my path.”

McCoy decided to point out the obvious. “There’s someone right now who isn’t dead who worships the ground you walk on.”

For the first time in a long time he saw fear flash in his friend’s eyes. “And how many times has he almost died because of me?”

McCoy wasn’t going to give up that easily. “And how many times have y’all saved each other? Moved heaven and hell for each other?”

Kirk picked up the cracked glass and held it. He squeezed it until the crack started to expand and McCoy put a stop to it and took the glass out of his friend’s hand and threw it in the waste receptacle. 

“It’s no good. One of these days one of us will be dead.”  
McCoy picked up his Feinberger scanner out of the tricorder on his desk and scanned Kirk’s head, watching the read out on his tricorder. The hematoma he expected was healing well. Emotional wounds would take longer. The doctor tried to think of something to say to end the sour mood, but he had no insight.  
“Could be. Death happens to everyone. Make the most of the time you’ve got.”  
Kirk glared at him and swatted at the whirring scanner. “May I go now, doctor?”  
McCoy decided not to press further. “Come back tomorrow evening for another scan. I want to make sure that bruise on your brain is healing.”  
Kirk said nothing and turned and walked away. McCoy leaned back in his chair and poured himself another shot of brandy. 

***

Spock tried to sleep, but he could not. It had been so long since he slept that his body and mind seemed to fight it. He kept hearing Kirk proclaiming himself to be “Kirok.” Odd, that he misremembered his own name even after a head injury. Surely he was reading too much into it to think that it sounded like Kirk and Spock put together. Definitely. He lay on his bed in a state somewhere between meditation and sleep. He rarely dreamed; Vulcans normally did not. But this time he dreamed.

Somehow they were in the bottom of a cavern. Smooth rock more than 50 meters up in every direction. There was barely any light wherever they were. And he could hear ragged breaths beneath him. He moved, his persona one of panic. Lying in a growing pool of blood, Kirk lay among rocks and twigs. A rock seemed to have collided with the left side of his torso. The spot it had impacted would have likely caused a heart attack or death if it had hit Spock in the corresponding spot on his own torso.  
Kirk’s breath was laced with pain. Spock knelt beside him and took his hand in his own. “Jim,” he whispered. It was a plea.   
Kirk’s eyes fluttered open. “Spock? You okay?”  
“Merely bruised. You appear to have taken the brunt of the fall.”  
His captain flashed a smile that turned into a grimace of pain.  
A part of Spock’s mind told him this was just a dream. But another part of his mind said it wasn’t sure. The images persisted.  
Kirk coughed, and a trickle of blood ran out the corner of his lips. Spock felt a chill. A sense of foreboding that wouldn’t let up.  
He wiped the trail of blood away, amazed when Kirk leaned into his touch. “Spock,” Kirk said in a soft voice that was tinged with emotion. “That feels good.”  
Spock pushed the stubborn lock of hair off Kirk’s forehead. The more he touched Kirk, the more he wanted to touch him. It was illogical. Kirk looked so pale. He switched from kneeling to sitting and pulled Kirk’s head into his lap. He continued to stroke Kirk’s hair, watching as his eyes locked with his. “Feels really good. I wish—“ he broke off, a look flashed in his eyes that Spock couldn’t identify. Kirk coughed again, blood trickling again out of his mouth. His body spasmed on Spock’s leg and Kirk’s eyes were closed. The spasms stopped but Kirk did not open his eyes. Spock grabbed the unconscious body. “Please, Jim,” he begged. Kirk did not move. Did not breathe. His skin already felt cold. Surely he would not lose warmth this quickly. This must be a bad dream, wasn’t it? But Kirk’s body was limp and cold in Spock’s arm. He found tears forcing their way out his eyes and dripping onto the lifeless body beneath him.   
Please let me wake up and this be a dream, he whispered against Kirk’s hair. Everything about Kirk’s body made him feel it was not a dream. The way he smelled, was Kirk. And blood. But it was Kirk’s blood. He remembered other times he’d thought Kirk was dead. Every other time, somehow it had worked out. Not this time. He clutched Kirk’s body to his chest and let the tears flow. Time seemed to stop. There was nothing except for Kirk’s broken form and his own tears, and the pain inside of him that seemed to grow.  
Suddenly the world shifted. 

  
They were on the Enterprise, evidently under attack. The red alert flashing and the smell of smoke indicated it’d been going on for a few minutes. Spock felt a sense of frustration that he couldn’t remember the cause of the incident or any details up until the present moment. Kirk was ordering evasive maneuvers and the ship continued to shake. An unrecognizable alien voice came over the speakers. “If one of your crew will come with us for experiments, we will cease our attack.”  
Kirk spread his arms wide. “Take me. Leave my crew alone.”  
Spock tried to speak but there was no voice in him. He tried to move, but he had no control over any aspect of his body. Kirk’s eyes met his and there was such affection there that it made Spock’s abdomen tighten illogically.   
Kirk smiled. “I only have one regret. I’ll never get to tell you ‘I love you.’” And then a lavender transporter beam took Kirk away and Spock found that all he could do was scream. In fact he couldn’t stop screaming.

***

Kirk sat in his quarters feeling sorry for himself. He was aware of someone saying his name. No, they were crying his name. There was only one person in the world who said his name that way. Spock. But he wasn’t sure if he really was hearing it or if it was in his mind. He sat there for a while, listening to Spock’s emotional repeat of his name. Spock thought he was hurt or dead. Spock had suffered for weeks for him. He wondered if Spock knew what he meant to him. If he had any clue.  
Kirk hated himself. Hated that he’d appeared to have forgotten Spock. That he’d moved on and made a life for himself with Mirimanee and had just stopped looking for Spock. The Vulcan hadn’t eaten or slept in weeks to find him and he seemed to have just forgotten him.  
Except I didn’t, Kirk reminded himself. I made my name our names together. He was a part of me even when I couldn’t remember.  
Suddenly he heard Spock screaming. He was screaming “no,” and “Jim” and this time it was loud through their shared bathroom. Moving on instinct he got up and ran through the bathroom into Spock’s room.  
Spock was lying on his bed in black pajamas. He was clinging to his bedsheets and blanket and clutching them and still screaming “Jim!”   
The devotion and pain and longing in Spock’s voice broke Kirk’s heart. He tried to pull the bedsheets from Spock’s hands, but Spock clung to them. Kirk got into the bed next to Spock and pulled the Vulcan to him. “Shh. It’s a dream. I’m here. I’m alright. Spock…” he buried his face in the Vulcan’s hair and found tears falling from his eyes at the raw emotion in Spock’s cries. Spock did love him. God, how he loved him too.  
Kirk held Spock close to him as he had wanted to for a long time. Spock released his grip on the bed sheets and his eyes fluttered open. They looked at each other for a moment, and then Kirk moved entirely on impulse. He tilted his head until he could reach Spock’s lips and then he kissed him. For a moment, Spock was frozen beneath him. And then he could feel his friend melt beneath him. Spock was kissing him back, and clutching him as if his life depended on it. As if Spock was certain if he let go of him, that he would vanish. 

  
He gently pushed his tongue between Spock’s lips and was delighted when he felt Spock’s tongue meet his. Spock’s passion was turning him on. He’d been so scared for so long that if he ever tried this that Spock would have just been still and then started quoting logic. The Vulcan’s body warm and eager beneath his was such a relief that he felt tears sting his eyes. He sucked Spock’s tongue into his mouth and was rewarded with a most un-Vulcan-like moan that went straight to his dick. He didn’t think he’d ever heard a more erotic sound in his life. Their kissing intensified and he shifted wanting more contact. He began tracing one of Spock’s pointed ears, delighting in the increased gasps Spock made. It definitely was affecting him. Struggling to find the buttons on Spock’s pajama top, he began working at the pieces of plastic, trying hard not to just tear the whole shirt off and rip every button in the process. He got one unbuttoned and paused deciding to just snake his hand under the shirt. He knew there was chest hair to play with and he needed to touch him more, but needed to take it a little slowly or he knew he wouldn’t last two seconds. The desire had been building for too many months. 

  
Finally his fingers found a nipple and he pinched it gently, reveling in the way Spock’s body minutely reacted to the contact. He twirled his fingers through chest hair to reach the other nipple. It seemed more sensitive and Spock’s hips moved slightly. Kirk let his hand slide down from under the shirt until he felt the waistband of Spock’s pants. He debated sliding his hand under the waistband, but forcing himself to take it slow, he just ran his palm down the front of Spock’s waist until he came to the hardness he sought. He cupped it, squeezing slightly, marveling in the warmth he could feel through the silken fabric. And then he felt a drop of moisture through the cloth and he couldn’t take it slow anymore.   
He slid farther down the bed until his head was at Spock’s groin. The Vulcan had made a soft sad sound when he’d pulled their lips apart. He kissed Spock’s hardness through the fabric and the sound he thought was the most erotic one he ever heard was nothing compared to Spock’s moan now. He slid the waistband down and took Spock’s member in his mouth. As his lips wrapped around Spock, the Vulcan cried out “Oh, God, Jim!”   
The mixture of deity and his name from his usually unflappable first officer, was awe inspiring. He sucked all the way to the base of Spock’s cock and was about to take it back in when Spock whimpered, it took all of his control to not just begin to thrust against Spock himself.   
“Jim—“ Spock was still trying to speak. “No one—I—“  
The thought that he was giving Spock his first blow job made him feel powerful and he was determined that Spock would never forget this one. All his attention turned towards pleasing Spock. He quickly picked up on what seemed to work for Spock, and perhaps since Spock had nothing to compare it to, it seemed that everything Kirk did worked. He was involuntarily thrusting into his mouth and Kirk consciously worked on surprising his gag reflex and swallowed as much of his dick as he could. Spock trembled and cried out, “Jim…I—“ and then he was coming, pouring hotter than human ejaculate down Kirk’s throat. He eagerly swallowed it all, slowing his movements to avoid oversensitizing Spock. As the spasms subsided he let Spock’s dick slide out of his mouth and he licked the last few drops from the head. Then he brought himself back up even with Spock’s face and kissed him. He became aware of Spock’s awe. He pulled back for a moment to look at Spock. Really take in the amazing sight of his kiss-swollen lips, his flushed cheeks, the disheveled hair, and the look of ecstasy and adoration in Spock’s eyes.

  
Spock pulled Kirk on top of him, grabbing his hips, and then pulling them so Kirk’s still clothed erection touched his own nude lower half. “I want—“ Spock’s voice trailed off, as if his brain could not let him say the words. “I want to feel you in me.”  
For a moment Kirk thought he was going to come just from Spock’s words and if it were not for his biting his own lip hard at the last moment, he would have. Once the pain distracted him, he whispered “God, Spock. You have no idea what you do to me.”  
Spock ran a hand through Kirk’s hair and traced the side of his face. “On the contrary, I think it is you who misunderstand your own magnetism.”  
Kirk was so turned on that he thought he might burst. He could feel precum sticking to his pants and he couldn’t take being dressed anymore. Spock seemed to read his mind and using his superior strength, he’d flipped them, and had Kirk’s pants and briefs off in a few seconds. Spock bent down to take Kirk in his mouth and Kirk stopped him. “If you do that, there’s no way I can last for you.” Spock smiled at him, a slightly predatory smile. “We have all night.” And then he’d taken him in his mouth and Kirk realized he was almost already over the edge. The Vulcan’s hotter than human mouth was amazing, and he had been so turned on already. When Spock changed the angle and swallowed Kirk to the base of his cock, he barely could cry out “Spock” before he came, coming harder than he ever had in his life.

Spock gathered him in his arms and they began kissing again, less urgently than before.  
After a bit, Spock pulled back and looked at him in such a way that Kirk knew there was a question, but Spock hesitated and Kirk saw a flash of fear in Spock’s chocolate eyes.  
“What is it? You can ask me anything?”  
“Jim, you’ve already shared so much. I have no right to ask.” Spock paused and Kirk felt a stab of pain at the way Spock looked at him. Spock truly didn’t believe he had the right to ask whatever he wanted to.  
“Spock. You have every right. You’re my partner. My other half. Anything within my power to give you, I will.”  
Spock still looked disbelieving. “You do not know what I wish to ask.”  
Kirk ran a hand through Spock’s hair, and leaned over to plant a kiss on his forehead. “I know you. There’s nothing you would ask for that could be wrong. Whatever you want, I want to give you.”  
Kirk was trying to figure out what Spock was thinking. He found his erection returning in anticipation. Then he looked at Spock’s serious expression and started to think. Spock wanted more. Not just more physically., More everything. There must be a mental connection for Vulcans with sex. No, he needed more than that. He tried to finish the thought process but Spock was already speaking while leaning into Kirk’s hand.  
“Jim, I know you value your independence. I—“ Spock was hesitating again and Kirk wanted to wipe away Spock’s fears and evident self-doubt. Independence. Spock was thinking that this was a one-time thing. He didn’t trust Kirk to want it to be permanent.  
Kirk laid a finger on Spock’s lips. “I don’t want to be independent. I want to be yours. I don’t know what all I need to do. I imagine there’s a bond and some process we need to do. But if you’ll have me, a crazy emotional human, I want you. To bond with you. Meld with you. Share my bed, share my life, share everything with you. Will you marry me?”  
To his surprise, tears began to flow from Spock’s eyes and then Kirk started crying and pulled Spock to him, burying his wet face in Spock’s hair.  
He felt Spock pull back, and wipe his tears. “Jim, that is all I’ve wanted for a while now.”

  
Then they were kissing again, frantically. “I need you,” Spock said. And Kirk knew he needed that it was more than just physical. But there was the physical. He forced himself to slow down for a minute so he could make sure it was perfect. “We need lube,” he whispered, in between nips on each ear. Spock seemed to think for a moment before he reached over to the nightstand and pulled out a bottle of oil. “Similar to earth sesame oil, this will suffice.”  
“Suffice?” Kirk laughed. “I’m not doing my job if you can still use words like that.”  
Using the Vulcan oil he began to prepare Spock while they kissed and their tongues intertwined. Suddenly, he just had to move on impulse and he replaced his finger with his tongue.   
“Jim, that—“ but Spock’s words turned into a moan, “feels so good.”  
He tongued Spock’s hole for a few minutes until his leaking cock started demanding attention. He resumed his digital preparation of Spock and when he felt Spock push back on his three fingers he had to bite his lip to keep from coming at the amazing intimacy of Spock thrusting back on his fingers and the thought of what was coming next. Finally, he slid inside of Spock, pausing to let him get used to the feeling. Then Spock was pushing back and their hips were meeting each other thrust for thrust. Spock’s hand went to the side of his face and suddenly he could feel everything Spock felt. Felt the sensation of being fucked. Felt how his abdomen rubbed against Spock’s erection. Felt Spock’s love and trust. He shared everything back and they came together, exploding mentally and physically. For a moment consciousness faded and refocused.   
He could still feel Spock’s mind glowing and affectionately touching his own as their minds sorted themselves out and he became aware of his own body again. Kirk. Spock. He felt Spock’s mind guiding him back to his own mind and body. Suddenly he reached back out. Unsure, but always eager to learn, his mind found the way. No. We are Kirk/Spock or Kirock. That’s what my mind knew even when I knew nothing else.  
He felt Spock’s sense of mental satisfaction. Thy’la. Kirock.


End file.
